Café Dictator, and a heart-wrenching letter

To my lovely, lovely followers,
You may have noticed (though of course you're excused if you haven't) that the frequency and quality of TwilightTree posts have been declining of late. Alas, with the unexpected chance of full-time work and half my friends getting married (okay, two of them), I've been giving my time to other priorities.

I think, therefore, it's time to take a break. Don't fret, though; this isn't goodbye. I do like blogging. But I like to be able to do it properly, and I've really been cutting corners this summer. So I am going to take a blogging vacation, and you may expect to see me again, refreshed and renewed, with quality pictures and useful tutorials and whatever else it is I do around here.

And I will not leave you bereft! As a parting gift, here is a poem I wrote last week but couldn't put on the blog because I was overcome with shyness. But now... why worry? If anyone is offended, I won't be here to know about it!

Café Dictator
For Trevelyan and Fawaaz, who began the rhymes

Welcome, welcome to Café Dictator.

From Louis to Vader I’ve catered to all.

Young Alex the Greater,

Old Sulla the traitor,

They’ve whined and they’ve dined in this hallowed hall.

They come for the fish—

It’s my signature dish—

Just ask Mr. Stephen the waiter.

I’ve flayed and filleted her

And later I’ll plate her

To serve with a side

Of some fried green tomaters.

I’ve served Mr. Il, who is partial to eel,

Though Franco is fonder of gator.

I always stock blini to serve Mussolini,

A big salad platter for Rome’s Imperator

(who nevertheless just gets fatter and fatter)

And roots in the cellar each fall

‘Cause Stalin has fallen in love with my ‘taters

And carrots and onions make Amin stand straighter.

They all find their way to me sooner or later,

These men who hold so many nations in thrall.

The food is delicious,

The clients malicious,

And we serve it MY way at Café Dictator.

Super-Speedy House Dress

There are times when you just don't want to wear clothes. At least not real clothes - the kind you could wear to work. But you still have to be decent, because there are other people in the house, or outside the windows. This has been my dilemma lately.

And this is my easy, comfy solution, made with an old top and some leftovers from a T-shirt blanket:

Super-Speedy House Dress

You need:

A comfy T-shirt that fits

A few sleeves from long-sleeved knit shirts

To Sew:

Cut off the cuff and seams of the sleeves. Sew them together in a wide strip with the narrow ends together. I used a serger, but a zigzag stitch on a standard machine should work. The tapering of the sleeves will give your skirt a gentle flare.

Measure the circumference of your T-shirt's bottom edge (if the T-shirt is hemmed, cut off the hem first). You want the top of your skirt panel to measure the same as that circumference. For me it took three and a half sleeves to reach the right length.

Sew together the edges of your skirt panel so that it is a tube (or basically a skirt with no waistband).

With right sides together, slip the T-shirt inside the skirt. Sew them together around the circular edge.

Unfold the skirt and, if you like, hem it.

Wear your comfy new dress and stop worrying about what the neighbours think!

Mini Tutorial: Gifts and Price Tags

You know those times when you can't just take the price tag off a gift because it's part of the label/care instructions/something really pretty?

Price blurred—recipient follows this blog!

The solution is just one click away.

Star-shaped craft punch!

Hold your craft punch upside-down over the price so you can see what you're doing.

CLICK!

And it's still cute!

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The Underdog Poets Academy

This Sunday I am (finally) going to my friend Sarah's poetry reading downtown. She has challenged everyone to arrive with a haiku about the "searing city heat" for a "hot haiku competition." Well, that heat has slackened off these past two days, and I'm not usually much of a haiku writer, but sure. I'll give it a go.

FML Twitter Haiku

FML it's hot

OMG broke the AC

#1stWorldProblem

It's lacking the element of juxtaposition you need for a proper Japanese haiku, but, well, if we're going to be picky... it's also written in English.

Want to join the Underdog Poets Academy? We're at The Central on 603 Markham St., Toronto and the official start time is 7:30. There will be three scheduled readers and an open mic session.

Does it bother anyone else that "mic" doesn't look like it should be pronounced the way it is? That always drove me crazy...

Skirting the Issue

Have you seen this?

"Skirting the Issue" is an initiative that is being run by Liz and Elizabeth of Simple Simon & Co. I heard about it through the blog Skirt as Top. It's a project to sew skirts for girls in foster care, both through their local foster care agency in Utah and around the world. Their goal is to see 100 skirts donated in the first week of August, and I'm sure they're going to surpass it. They've already asked 20 well-known sewing bloggers to create skirt tutorials for the occasion, and I don't know a single sewing blogger who can resist making a cute skirt. You can see the full details here at Project Run and Play

Is this not a wonderful idea? I need to find out if there are any agencies here in Toronto that would be interested in receiving skirts. And I will definitely be keeping an eye on the Skirting the Issue Flickr Pool, because I just know it's going to be filling up with some amazing pictures.

Do you do any sewing for charity? What do you sew? For whom? It's something I'm really interested in, so please — share your story!

Nanny the Crook

Oof! A whole week slipped by and I didn't find the time to post the perfectly good, useful, little tutorial I had half ready to go. Well, I'll have to post it next week. It's a good thing pictures don't expire.

And it's a good thing poem posts can be written on the subway, when I can't do much else anyway!

This one came out of a slip of the tongue when my boss meant to say "cranny and nook" and made it a spoonerism by mistake. I liked the sound.

Nanny the Crook

Nanny the Crook, Nanny the Crook,
The canniest, granny-est thief in the book,
Stealing from every cranny and nook
Is Nanny the Crook, Nanny the Crook.

Crocheting doilies for things that she took,
More than a petticoat thief with a hook,
Creaky and sneaky and running amook
That Nanny the Crook! Nanny the Crook!

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First Weeks in rhyme

Cross-eye
Hands fly
Hungry cry
Oh my

Daddy tease
Little sneeze
Dimple knees
More please

Mommy grin
No chin
Skin-on-skin
Done in

Squinchy eye
Lullaby
Little sigh
Bye bye

Instagram and Sewing Space Disasters

Lately I've been dividing my free time between working on a T-shirt blanket and getting acquainted with my new iPhone.

They say Instagram makes any image look better.

What do you think?

The last one is my very sophisticated taped-together graph paper pattern. Just in case you were wondering.

Bewail, bewail, bemoan

Bewail, bewail, bemoan
The fate of Erin's phone!
It chipped a bit-
She cared not a whit.
The case was scarred-
Her love was unmarred.
The plan had no data-
Hakuna Matata.
But then the screen went dark, dark, dark
And Erin cried out, "smartphone, hark!"

What's this?

It's my new (old) best friend: a zigzag attachment for my antique Singer sewing machine! My mom found it in this little box among her sewing supplies.

The machine once belonged to my great-grandmother and while it is wonderful, sturdy, and powerful, it only sews in straight lines. Fortunately, some clever person figured out a way to use the kinetic power of needle clamp's up-and-down motion to power a gadget (above) that pulls the fabric from side to side as you sew. This is different from modern machines, which hold your fabric steady while the needle moves back and forth with each stitch.

The box also held these nifty little pieces:

By lifting the top of the zigzagger and switching the little wheel, I can control whether I get a zigzag, a scallop, or something that looks like the screen on a heart monitor.

The box also had some bonus pieces my great-grandmother probably slipped inside:

I think this little torture-device-looking bit (above) is for making bias tape.

And I think this is for getting nice and close when you sew a zipper.

The only thing the box didn't contain was the correct instruction manual.

Buttonholer. Not Zigzagger.

Fortunately, the Internet is full of generous souls who do things like scan old instruction manuals and post them online. I Googled "Singer zigzagger manual" and found what I needed here.

So why is all this so exciting? It means I can now sew anything I want! I can zigzag stitch a piece of elastic onto knit fabric and the stitches won't break with stretching. I can do a decorative top stitch. I can add trim. Essentially, I can do finishing work on clothes made from stretchy fabric, which I couldn't before. Yay!

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Baby Games

I have the best muse EVER for nursery rhymes now.

Flopsy Baby
Flopsy baby, squish and squirm—
What a squiggle-wiggle worm!
Can I catch a grippy finger?
Can I catch some bunchy toes?
Can I catch a flopsy baby
On a scrunchy nose?

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Buttons

Little Things

Remember when I mentioned that space is getting scarce in my sister and her husband's bedroom? Well, they've got a new house guest who is very little, but who brought a lot of stuff.

I have a feeling a lot of my craft projects are going to get...

A little smaller.

Craft project round-up

I finally got my camera out today. I'm always reluctant because I take my own pictures and the light in my apartment is poor, so it's a lot of fussing with the tripod and the timer and the aperture and the shutter speed. All of that sounds quite advanced and sophisticated, but really I just move the dials up and down until the pictures look okay.

Any-who, here's a photo roundup of what I've been up to since I last set up the tripod:

I started crocheting a basket from strips of the scrap fabric that has been overrunning my closet. I might use it to store hats and scarves and mitts.

Or maybe to store more fabric.

I made a hanging caddy where my brother-in-law can store his bible and cellphone, since he's losing his bedside storage space. If you don't already know why space is at a premium in that room these days, you'll find out soon!

I made a pillowcase-style dress out of a light gauze fabric for the scorching hot weather that disappeared as soon as I finished.

And I love to wear it with these fair trade rope sandals I found in Kensington Market. They're so light!

I don't have a picture of this, but I also made my own yogurt! In a crock pot! I had no idea that was possible. Pinterest is a magical place ;)

Have YOU been crafty lately?

Grammar Purist Poetry

I promise the craft posts will resume soon. I have been creating... just not taking pictures. I'll work on that.

I wrote today's poem for my own sake because I know the difference between "lay" and "lie" (Mom told me when I was little that of course the dog wouldn't "lay down" for me—I was saying it wrong and he was trained the right way), but like just about everyone else, I make mistakes in my everyday speech.

Lay and Lie

I lie awake in bed at night
And think, 'Why can't you get it right?'
I lie in bed, you lie around,
My dog is lying on the ground—
But lay a fire when it snows,
Lay an egg and lay out clothes.
Lay a baby on its cot,
Lay down any thing you've got.
Lie and Lay and Lay and Lie.
Don't make grammar purists cry.

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Writing Happiness

I'm trying to write down happiness.
Sometimes it's like a bumblebee
Inside my throat and it can't get out
Unless I throw my head way back
And laugh.
Sometimes it's a flower in my chest
That pushes—hard—against my ribs to bloom
And crowds its petals up against my heart.
Sometimes it's a running in my legs
And all I can do is try to keep up,
Out of breath and shining.
And every time always
It's a feeling of up
And heat
And gasping
And grasping
For something I already have
But want to hold
So I can write down
Happiness.

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DIY Boho Braided Belt

Obey Bohemian Belt
http://www.zappos.com

On the rare occasion when I go into a mall these days (they stress me out—all those people!) I can't help admiring all the lovey bohemian styles the mannequins are wearing. And I find myself especially envious of the accessories — flowing scarves, braided belts...so of course I had to cure my envy with a little crafting.

 Erin's Do-It-Yourself Boho Belt

Materials:

–An old wooden belt buckle that's been sitting in my craft bin for years
–A cotton clothesline from the dollar store
–Thread to match the clothesline
–A needle

Instructions:

I used a hair tutorial for a four-strand French braid from Crochet Clouds. Of course I didn't have to worry about the French part; I cut my clothesline in two, folded the two pieces in half, and fed them through the belt buckle. Then I started braiding!

To finish, I sewed the end of each strand to the next with several tight stitches, then wrapped the thread around the whole end of the belt about a dozen times before tying it off and hiding the end of the thread inside the braid.

If I were to do this again (and I might—it's so easy) I would anchor my braid on the middle of the buckle, not the edge. Live and learn :)

Happy crafting!

This post was featured on the Tea Rose Home Link Party No.79

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Playing Pretend

I like the bones of this poem. I think if I come back to it in a year for a good edit, it might polish up nicely.

Pretend
Maxwell Mulligan Morgan McRae
Woke up silly on Saturday.
He curled in his covers and squirmed in his sheets.
He wrapped his fingers around his feets.
He pulled his knees right up to his nose,
Saying, "I'm a ball with wiggly toes!"

Maxwell rolled right out of bed,
Landing - Gack! - upon his head.
He rolled to the right and bumped his shin.
He rolled to the left and bashed his chin.
"Well," he shrugged, "that's how it goes
"When you're a ball with wiggly toes."

Maxwell Mulligan Morgan Ball
Rolled himself into the hall.
"I smell breakfast!" he announced,
And rolling to the stairs he bounced
On one step, two steps, three, five nine,
And croaked quite loudly, "I am fine!"

"Max!" yelled his Mom, "What's all that noise?
"You're loud enough for fifty boys!"
Max said, "I'm not a boy at all!
"I'm a rolly, bouncy ball!
"A ball with a breakfast-tracking nose!
"A hungry ball with wiggly toes!"

Mom frowned and sighed and tapped her toe.
"I don't have food for balls, you know.
"Balls don't get breakfast. They eat air.
"Besides, you can't reach Maxwell's chair."
And though Max bounced with all his might
To reach the chair, his mom was right.

Max the ball felt his shoulders slump.
He rolled outside to the bicycle pump.
It didn't taste so good somehow,
But - "SPIT THAT NOZZLE OUT RIGHT NOW!
"Maxwell Mulligan Morgan McRae,
"Can't you pretend you know how to behave?"

Maxwell stood. "Of course I can."
He went inside and washed his hands.
He sat in silence while he ate,
Said, thanks, and put away his plate.
'Well,' thought Max, 'I guess that's that.
'Next I'll pretend I'm an acrobat!'

Bird Crochet

Because what is The Giraffe without The Bird?

Here he is in the book:

I wasn't ambitious enough to attempt those feet.

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Giraffe Crochet

A sudden, nasty cold left me tired and unwilling to finish my poem for my Friday post this week. On the other hand, it gave me ample time to finish the crocheted giraffe I had started in honour of the release of Rebecca Bender's Don't Laugh at Giraffe earlier this week.

A simpler face would have been easier to pull off (he looks a little mad from some angles—see below) but I was trying to get a real expression on his face since the characters' expressions are such a big part of the book's charm. I'll just call it... mixed results.

But I still think he's pretty cute!

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Reading Headache

Because all poets must write of spring

Today's poem is no masterpiece, but it says what I feel. And that's enough.

I've come back home to the springtime,
The forest all in bud.
The growing green, the swollen stream,
The glorious, glorious mud.

I've come back home to the country
From the rush to the hush and the hill
From urban sprawl to garden wall
And blooming daffodil.

So keep your city glitter—
Up here I'm better fed.
I've got dirt beneath my fingernails
And trees above my head!

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Earth Day and Wedding Decorations

There's an idea I've been mulling over for a while and Earth Day is as good a time as any to bring it up. I have a big problem with waste, and I'm always looking for ways to transform used material not into something interesting and pretty, but into something useful (okay, maybe useful AND pretty)—something that people would want or need even if it wasn't made with recycled materials.

Side rant: Nothing irritates me more than people gushing over the "greenness" of taking a very recyclable material like aluminum or cardboard and buying non-sustainable craft products to "recycle" it into something useless that will one day be thrown out. Also, when did "recycle" become the most important R? If we reduced in the first place, we wouldn't have so much waste to deal with.

End of rant.

So I'm always looking for ways to make things instead of buying them, and since several of my friends are engaged or recently married, I've had decorations on my mind. Of course plenty of people make their decorations, but their materials often come from the craft store. I'm imagining an Etsy shop full of decorations (wedding or otherwise) made entirely of waste materials, except for essentials like thread and glue. And when I say waste materials, I mean it—these are things that would be going in the garbage if they weren't going in my craft bin.

What do you think? Would you patronize/support/appreciate a business like that?

Here are some samples of paper goods I would sell, though of course I'd also work with fabric.

Garland sewn from an out-of-date almanac

Folded kusudama flower balls from a hymn book that fell apart

Happy Earth Day, everyone! Let's all celebrate by not buying something we don't need ;)

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