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Harry Potter-Hotel California Parody

Inspired by a CBC book-song mash-up contest from a year ago, rediscovered yesterday, finished today.

Harry Potter meets Hotel California

Dark night in September.
Scar under my hair.
Long howl of a werewolf
Rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light.
My heartbeat quickened and my eyes grew wide—
I loved that castle on sight!

There she stood in the doorway.
"First years!" I heard her yell,
And I was thinking to myself,
Is this Hogwarts or is it Hell?
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed us the way.
There were statues in the corridor;
I thought I heard them say,

"Welcome to seven years at Hogwarts.
Such a magic place.
Such a tragic face.
Plenty to do in your seven years at Hogwarts:
See a dragon born.
Find a unicorn."

His mind is Slytherin-twisted.
When he speaks he offends.
He's got a couple brawny bodyguards
That he calls friends.
When they strut through the courtyard,
See Neville sweat.
They'll steal his remembrall
Just to make him forget!

So I'm called by the captain,
"Please bring me the snitch!
We haven't had a quidditch victory since 1996."
And still that voice is a-calling inside my head:
"What to do, oh what to do with you?
Griffindor!" he said.

Welcome to seven years at Hogwarts.
Such a magic place.
Such a tragic face.
Never give up in your seven years at Hogwarts.
Learn an airborne sport.
Battle Voldemort.

Candles on the ceiling,
The pumpkin juice on ice,
And I said, "We are all just sitting ducks here.
I've got to set things to rights."
In the underground chambers
I finally faced him alone.
He can find the Mirror of Erised,
But he just can't get the stone!

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door.
I had to find the passage back
To Headmaster Dumbledore.
"Relax," said the matron.
"Your friends will all be relieved."
They can send me back to Privet Drive
But I'll never really leave!

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Harley and the Vacuum Monster

Little dog Harley hates housecleaning days,
Even though I've never asked him to help.
When I get the broom he
Begins to look gloomy.
When I start the dishes he's downright suspicious.
When I wash the mirror
He's shaking with fear.
When I get the vacuum he flees with a yelp!

The vacuum's a monster! The Harley dog knows it.
It rumbles and grumbles wherever it goes.
It lashes its tail
With a flip and a flail.
It rages and roars
As it claws at the floors.
Things snuff up its snout
And they never come out!
But Harley-dog's safe in the basket of clothes.

Until...

Craft Time: Gathered Ribbon Flowers

My very artistic friend Helen came over a few days ago to relieve her end-of-term stress with some crafty relaxation. We made flowers out of ribbons and lace. I was the slapdash creator, whipping up a bouquet of simple gathered blossoms. Helen was the careful one, labouring over a single ornate bloom complete with beads and lace. We were both following a tutorial from the blog "Make it Do."

Following... loosely.

 And now I have the same problem I faced nearly a year ago when I my gathered lace flowers: what on earth am I going to use them for?

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